In this week’s health section, I want to take a closer look at something that quietly shapes so much of our daily experience, the relationship between our thoughts and our emotional responses.
Life doesn’t always give us time to prepare. A sudden fall, a piece of difficult news, an unexpected change. These moments arrive, and we respond almost instantly. It can feel as though our emotions are simply a direct reaction to what has happened.
But there is something happening in between.
Take a simple example. Two people experience the same fall. One gets up, brushes herself off, and carries on. (I know someone who only realised a week later that her foot had actually been broken.) The other is immediately overwhelmed with the thought, “I’ll never walk properly again.”
Same experience, completely different emotional outcome.The difference lies in the thought.
This is the foundation of emotional regulation. It is not just the event that shapes how we feel, but the meaning our mind attaches to it. Our thoughts act as a filter, interpreting what is happening and guiding our emotional response.
Very often, these thoughts follow familiar patterns. Psychologists refer to them as cognitive distortions; habitual ways of thinking that tend to lean towards the negative or the extreme.
For example:
Catastrophising: leads us to imagine the worst possible outcome.
Mindreading: convinces us we know what others are thinking about us.
All-or-nothing thinking pushes us to see situations in black and white, with no room for balance. Emotional reasoning makes us believe that because we feel something strongly, it must be true.
These patterns are not a sign that something is wrong with us. They are part of how the human mind tries to make sense of the world, especially during times of stress or uncertainty. However, when left unchecked, they can intensify our emotional responses and make situations feel far more overwhelming than they need to be.
The encouraging part is that we are not powerless.
The first and most important step is awareness. Simply noticing, “This might be my mind jumping to conclusions,” can begin to shift the experience. It creates a pause between the thought and the reaction.
And that pause is where change begins. From there, we can gently question the thought. Is this definitely true? Is there another way to look at this situation? What would I say to a friend in the same position?
Chani Schreibhand is our founder and Editor.
Shes a trained menopause coach.
Chani also has a column in the Jewish Tribune called Bubby's View.
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