EFT and Connection
by Pearl Lopian
You may have heard of EFT, commonly known as Tapping – the amazing method now being used by millions of people around the globe to reduce stress and anxiety, release fears and clear trauma and painful memories.
People are even losing weight and reducing chronic pain using Tapping techniques.
A Tapping session involves regular talk therapy while tapping on acupressure points on the face and upper body.
I myself have completed more than 4,000 Tapping sessions with my clients.
It may seem a bit weird and a bit silly if you have never experienced it.
I was trained in regular talk therapy; however, I always use Tapping in my sessions. I am a believer in alternative methods and I love – love – the cleverness, power and gentleness of it.
I want to share something even more alternative. How is it that a mother can tap on herself and her child can feel the difference? How is it that a mother will come to me for a Tapping session and speak about her child, and “magically” her child changes?
The answer is that we are all connected, and one of the strongest connections is between mother and child.
Our human brain finds it hard to understand that there is a communication between us that goes beyond the verbal. How many times have you thought of someone and in that moment they phone or text you, or you see them on the street? This is the “energy field” we tap into in a session.
Over the years, we have accepted phones, emails, etc., which would have been impossible to understand years ago. In the same way, we are now accepting that communication is not just verbal.
When a child is going through stress, fear or anxiety, Tapping can be a solution for them. A child may not want to go for help and they probably have little understanding of where their issue is coming from. They may not be able to talk about their problem. Remember, children are really doing the best they can. Sometimes it is the parents’ issues projected onto the child.
The advantages that Tapping has on mothers for their children are huge. Mothers are close enough to their children to feel their emotions, yet they are far away enough to articulate their problems. They may even have an insight into how the problem may have started (for example, the birth experience may need clearing).
Often the child doesn’t even have to know there is an issue. Mothers may have tried so many things and feel helpless. They just want to do something. They just want their child to be “fixed”. Now they are doing something to help.
Very often it is a mother’s own childhood issue that can be at the root of the problem. Many times, I have seen the relationship between mother and child improve. It is so normal, as a parent, to respond to children’s challenging behaviour. However, in a session, we may start by responding to the behaviour, and acknowledge and tap on how it makes us feel, and then the real work begins – to respond to the emotions and thoughts in a child that makes them behave the way they do. This can be extremely liberating, both for the mother and the child.
We cannot bear to think of our children going through pain, and sometimes we forget that the best way to release negative emotions is to feel them. Children release emotions very quickly when they are heard and validated. This is a great way to connect to our children, validate them and hold the space for them.
So, Mums, Tapping is the solution. It is a win, win all round
We offer Tapping for children as a gift with love. Remember, we cannot take away their free will. If their hands are open, they will receive the gift.
We cannot make our children happy. What we can do is help them release fears and anxiety. I have completed hundreds of sessions of Tapping with mothers for their children, whatever age they are, from babies to 45!
The benefits of Tapping are twofold and work side by side: it releases unwanted emotions in a healthy way and retrieves what is in our deeper mind that blocks us from living the best life.
Memories and thoughts seemingly randomly pop into clients’ heads. This is because the tapping enables their brainwaves to slow down and subconscious thoughts rise into the conscious mind.
I will share a couple of examples:
Sara is 11 and starts up with her siblings. She seems to be constantly angry and unsettled. Mum taps as she talks to me about the situation, and as she does, she remembers. Sara is a child from her first marriage. There were a lot of arguments with her first husband.
A random memory pops in. We go the memory that has come up and talk to Baby Sara in the memory. We ask her how it is for her. We allow her to answer. We give her space to feel. We validate and reassure. We are constantly tapping to release and neutralise the energy. Sara looks calmer in the memory. We ask Baby Sara how she is, and she tells us she is fine.
Next morning, I receive a message from Mum. Sara got up early and set the table for breakfast for everyone – something she has never done before. She was relaxed and friendly.
In the afternoon I receive another message from Mum. The teacher has been in touch to say Sara was noticeably calmer that day.
Millie, age four, was waking up in the night and coming to Mum’s room for comfort. Mum couldn’t figure out why. She was a content child.
As I tapped with Mum, she went to her own memory at age four. Her parents had just got divorced and she missed her dad. We used regular Tapping
techniques to validate, clear and defuse the memory.
Mum felt better – she had no clue those memories were still sitting inside her.
Clearly, Millie was triggering Mum and there was an unsafe feeling that Millie picked up.
Result – within two days Millie slept all night in her own room.
Mum came to see me as her 25-year-old son had a kidney condition. She was sure it was emotional. During the tapping, a memory popped in of a hiking accident he had been in, when he had fallen into a river. We worked together and Mum felt that the change in her son over the next few weeks was huge. Interestingly enough, a few days after our session, the son visited his mum and spoke about the hiking accident. He hadn’t referred to it in years.
One mother of nine children recently said to me, after seeing how much more relaxed and calm her teenage son was after tapping with me, “Every mother should be doing this for their kids. I would love to do this with each one of them.”
Tapping for your child is a gift. I have a simple suggestion for you that will take less than five minutes. Every morning, think of a different child. Tap on yourself while sending them validation and loving thoughts. And remember, there is nothing wrong with stating the negative emotions they are feeling; you are validating and helping them release these emotions.
Keep it simple. You can be repetitive. You can say one sentence, or have a stream of thoughts. For example, “Even though you are anxious about going to school, I love you lots and lots.” You will feel so much more connected to your child.
Let go of self-judgement and guilt. It gets in the way of healing ourselves and our children. We are not perfect. We make mistakes, and we will continue to make mistakes. In my opinion, berating ourselves and guilt are the yetzer hara getting in the way of us being the person Hashem wants us to be.
Now you have the gift of Tapping. Use it.
Pearl Lopian is an EFT Master Trainer and Practitioner. She trains life coaches, therapists and mental health practitioners to become EFT practitioners and runs a busy private practice both online and in-person from her home in Jerusalem. She made aliyah from the UK in Feb 2017.